Photo: woods wheatcroft photography

Let Us Love You

English: Leonard Cohen, during the Geneva conc...Leonard Cohen’s song Anthem has the line, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” As men, we work hard to hide that crack.

In the last nine years of Sandpoint Men’s Group (SMG) we see smart, successful men take one of our Two Day trainings or join one of our groups because a woman ‘encouraged’ them—not much different from a woman sending her husband to the doc to check his mole.

Men not only die sooner, we die lonely. Once we left school or the military most of us left a close network of friends. As we developed our careers and grew our families, we became increasingly isolated from other men. We see the full impact of never being trained how to be emotionally intelligent as a man. Sure, we had our mothers teaching us along with all our girlfriends. But how many men do you know who had men teaching them as a boy or later as a man how to frame emotions in a masculine way?

Then you add the trauma and stress of life to the mix and you have a guy that is trapped in the solitude of emotional isolation. Most men will try to apply the suggestions his partner gives him on how to show up more emotionally. Her well-meaning suggestions help up to a point—then both the woman and the man get frustrated. It seems like he’s not trying. In actuality he’s trying to do something that feels unnatural for him. It’s as if we are attempting to have him look good in a dress. I don’t care how beautiful the dress is—he won’t like it and it won’t look good on him.

Many years ago I stumbled on to a very simple solution to this problem and its three causes—men’s groups. In these groups men safely release their stress, learn through other men what was never taught, and naturally create the brotherhood they forgot they needed. These groups will love the man as a man so he can learn to love himself. Once a man acquires the self-love and self-respect as an emotional intelligent man, how he shows up for others naturally transforms. What once was struggle is now pleasure. He may still have his cracks, but now his unique light begins shining on everyone.

[There is still space left in our April 12-13 men’s training:]

Owen Marcus, MA Certified Advanced Rolfer,, www.freetowin.CO provides more information about the men’s groups, trainings, and documentary film on SMG – call if you have questions: 265.8440. This article and many more health and wellness articles are at the blog:

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